20 Reasons

Here are my 20 most important reasons.......
20. To fit in a rollercoaster
19. To fit into my prom dress again
18. To get back at that bully who called me "thunder thighs"
17. To make my first love wish he never dumped me
16. Because if I don't, it's only gonna get worse
15. To keep up with my kids
14. To finally hear my husband say "wow, you look hot"
13. So I can go back to karate and get my black belt
12. So my family will be proud of me
11. So I know I can actually accomplish something important
10. To have a wider fashon variety
9. So I could maybe finally buy my first 2 piece swimming suit
8. Because I don't want to end up like my grandma
7. So my sister and I can finally share the same clothes again
6. Because I just need to
5. So my husband will be proud to hold my hand
4. To feel good
3. So I won't hate looking at my photos anymore
2. To be healthy
1. So I can live long enough to so see my kids have kids

Fear Itself

Well, here is something I've always thought about, but never really believed until I experience the last 24 hours......
Are we born with the ability to fear or is this something we learn? I often believe that my son isn't afraid of anything....until he sees fear in my eyes. As a mom it can be so hard to stay calm and collected or even just to keep a happy face. My son is part sponge and part elephant. He soaks up everything and doesn't forget any of it! I always try to act brave because I knows if he sees that I'm scared...he will remember that this is something to be scared of.
We wen't to words of fun yesterday. Before going, we knew he was finally big enough to ride a big rollercoaster....the Spinning Dragon. We had him so excited about it! He couldn't wait to get there and ride it. When we got it line, I'm sure he senced that I was nervous, maybe his dad too. He suddenly decided that he didn't want to do this and he started to put up a fight. Doug and I basically told him that he was going to do it. He was apprehensive getting on and once we came down the first big hill he almost started to cry. Then he heard the calm in Dougs voice when he said "It's almost over." Dawson opened his eyes and started to enjoy the rest of the ride. I really believe that we learn a lot from our parents.

Dawson's First Roller Coaster
"The Spinning Dragon"

A Photo, A Shadow, A Mirror

Some girls in this world always see themselves as fat. They spend all day starving or purging. The only time I ever look fat to myself is when I look at a photo or see my shadow, or when I look in that unavoidable mirror. I often wish I could be like those girls, even though I know it's not good. I just wish it were easier for me to remember how fat I am every minute of the day. Then maybe the temptation for food wouldn't be so strong and the will to exercise would.
It seems like every time I see a new photo of myself, I relight that fire under my big fat butt that often dies out. You know, that fire that tells me to order a chicken sandwich instead of a burger and that even though it's 103 degrees outside I still need to go for that walk.
And then I think about how wonderful a man my husband is to still be with me. How handsome he is, and how he should be with someone so thin and beautiful. He told me once that if I were thin I "would be smokin." I often think about that. It's good motivation.
Motivation.......yeah, that's something I have so much of. My grandma basically died from her poor health. There is so many overweight people in my family, mostly dad's side. And my kids....they should be my biggest motivation. I know Brody has my genes and it's very likely that he will be an obese child, I MUST keep that from happening.
I've lost the weight before, I know I can do it again. It just seems like there are so many obstacles.
Pray for me!

"Nothing tastes as good as it feels to be thin."

My Near Death Experience

This past weekend my sister and I went canoeing on the Ninguagua river in Lebanon, Missouri. I did it once before with my mom, so I wasn't too worried, but.... this time I got a little too close to death.
We had gotten about half way down the river, and anyone who's ever done it before knows that it takes most of the day to get all the way down. The river had split for a while, so we came up to where it met again and there was a lot of traffic, logs and brush to try and navigate through, plus the current was VERY strong at that point. We went into a bit of a spin, and then flipped. This normally would not be any big deal, except that this time I got caught under the canoe. Wow. I was under the water trying to get up and when I realized I wasn't, I looked up and saw the canoe on top of me. That's when I started to freak out. It felt like forever went by when the next thing I new I was holding on to someones canoe trying to ketch my breath. I have no idea how I got there. Earlier in the day we had past by this family, a mom and dad and two very young kids maybe aged 4 and 6. Their canoe had flipped a little bit and the kids were very scared and crying. It was all I took not to cry myself. I just saw my own kids in them. Their mom was trying to calm them down as they tried to gain control. They had life jackets on so they really were very safe, just very scared. Anyway, it was quite an eventful weekend. It kinda makes you rethink things and realize the wonderful things you've got in your life.

4th of July 2008

Everytime a holiday comes around it reminds my how fast my life is going by, how fast my kids are growing. This was Brody's 2nd 4th of July and Dawsons 5th. And my, um.......you know, whatever. I cant understand why Dawson is so afraid of the noise. We always put headphones on him because of it. He has never liked loud noises. I hope he grows out of this before he gets into school. Brody on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind it at bit.

Happy Birthday Brody!

Brody just had his first Birthday party and I think he was pretty happy about that. He got lots of great stuff, plenty to keep him busy for a while. Brother is having a hard time dealing with it not being "his" new stuff. Gee, what do we expect, he's had 4 birthdays all to himself. Well, things change. It will all turn out, only 5 months until his Birthday! Where does the time go!

Nothing says family time like "Omaha"

We took a little trip over the weekend to the Henry Doorley Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska. It was so much fun but it did make for a long day. I would reccommend this zoo to anyone. It was well worth the money and the time. Here are a few photos......

A Family Thing

So we went to a family reunion over the weekend (on my mom's side of the family.) I see most of those people on a regular basis anways. Its pretty amazing, this journey life takes you down. Its so fun to see the way everyone grows and changes. Most of all its great to see those family members who you haven't see in so long. (Or even discover any new family members you might have.) Here are some great photos of my boys this weekend. This was Brody's first reunion. I guess it was not much of a reunion for him though.

Old Times

It seems as if sometimes I get lost in old memories of grade school and highschool and college times. I wonder about what all those people are doing now. Those old friends I had, even those old boyfriends. Today I read in the paper that my very first boyfriend, (when I was 14) had a baby. I guess it just made me wonder for a while. What if I had went down any other road and ended up with someone else other then my husband. What kind of life would I have. Maybe I would be thinner, or wealthier or happier. Then I think, maybe I would be living in a trailer park or maybe my husband couldn't have kids. I guess it's all in Gods big plan. I love my husband sooooo much and I love my kids more then anything in the world. And then when I think about how much better my life could be, I realize it really couldn't. Real life is not like the tv show or the movies. So, yeah, I guess I wonder and think about things. But mostly, I just think about how great things are.

My Little Guy

My little guy will be one year old next month. Wow! It seems like it was just last week when I was going into the hospital to give birth. He sure didn't stay a baby for very long. He was big when he was born, and already up to 30 pounds. He is as big as a 2 year old! My big guy was a lot smaller when we was born and he is 4 and a half now. My oh my, where does the time go! I get so excited when I think about what they might do with their lives. Who they will marry, what they will become. You know what, life really is good.